Hey ! :D It's one year with Fatty ! (L) Time flies , he has actually been with us for one year already . Remember the first night he came , I was so afraid x.x For weeks I guess , I even need people to carry him before I dare to go to the toilet . I remember , I started carrying him out of the cage for one day , & then from then on , am not afraid anymore ! (Y) Having Fatty around can be quite fun , though at times , we're piss when he bite this & that . Without him , I guess am still afraid of dogs . Although it has only been a year , but it seems quite long eh . & I must thanks him for being there for me too . Because for that one whole month , I talk to him everything , but am not sure how many percent of it he understand . LOL . I tell him how I feel when am upset during those times . I tell him how happy I feel when am with blahblah ~ The best thing in telling him everything is that , he will never say out everything . HAHA ! :D Although he can't reply , but just by telling , am feeling much better already .I cried to him , I tell him how upset I am when things happen . Even when things happen now , I still tell him things . Hehe . :D Somehow , am already used to having him around at home . & it feels weird not to see him when we're not in SG . ): Kay , shall end here . I love FATTY ! (L)

Hey , am bored now . MEH ! I decided to posttt ! <:

Hey , <3 . It has been 2 months & 9 days since we're together . I'm glad , we're still back together , even when it's the 3rd time together . Don't blame yourself or regret for leaving for that one month . Maybe , it isn't a wrong step after all . At least now , we're happier . If you didn't leave , we wouldn't meet so often now . We wouldn't talk so much as compare to last time , or rather , it's me x.x . Hiakhiak , I really appreciate everything you do for me & the book , hoho . It's the first time , a guy do such things for me . <3 Thanks for always being there for me , ever since we're close since I don't know when :x I don't mind if you cannot give me anything , really . Maybe , to you , it's nothing . But to me , it's more than enough already . I appreciate how you spend time travelling to & fro , just to meet me . & sorry , you wasted quite a lot of money on me already . Sorry about that :( Save save okay ! I appreciate , how you always make sure that am alright , & you always know what I'm feeling/thinking . Although , we spend everyday , very very very simple . But it's enough already . Maybe , I don't know how long this will go , but I will hold on no matter what happen . You're the first guy , who make me know , what's love . I never thought , I could cry for a guy . But I did . I never thought , I could get so unhappy because of a guy . But I did . You make me realise a lot . I know , very often , am making you unhappy . Because of things I said , or whatever . I'm sorry . I know , am getting more & more childish . :x I don't know , what makes you love me so much , am such a simple girl & don't even dress up . Who jokes about almost everything , who craps a lot , & like a siao siao one . But this time round , I find myself , being myself , when I'm with you . Maybe like you , you don't know why I love you so much either . I really don't know , but I just love you . You may not be someone who could give me everything , but being with you , I really feel very happy . It just feels so right & it's the first time , I feel like this . I love you ! <3

This is killing , & I will never be able to solve it , to heal the pain .
I was the one who cause all this , all this fucking shit .
I don't know what to do , I thought , I would feel happier going out , but I was wrong .
Seriously , why is it that , everytime , we always must be like this ?
The first time , the second time , even the third time .
I really don't understand , & everytime , it was me . How useless can I be man .
I want you to be happy , but yet , am doing the opposite .
Yesterday , the believing of it came back , I was happy .
But , I cause us to be unhappy again .
Actions , leads to regret . Which nothing can help already .
I'm a liar , always has been , forever a liar .
Why can't I fucking change ?
Why can't I fucking spare a thought for someone I really love ?
Why can't I fucking understand how much it hurts ?
Why can't I fucking just shut the fuck up ?
The pain , the hurts , everything , I couldn't solve it . I COULDN'T , what am I suppose to do ?
I'm sorry , that's all I could say . Because am that useless , that I don't know what to say , other than a sorry .

This post , shall not be that emo already .

Good memories , bad memories , everything still stays the same .
Live with it , keep the good , & erase the bad .
That's what I'm trying to do :D
Human all make mistakes , but learn from it , change for the better .
Even if , thinking back , it do hurts , we're still left with no choice .
I'm very bored , so I decided to come & post .

TNGz!
We used to be together for months , but things didn't work out .
But this time round , it just feels so different .
No matter how foolish you think I am , I don't care .
I just hope , this keeps going .
Thanks for tolerating all my nonsense , uhhuh . Those nanananan , whatever :/
Just , don't think too much .
After the chat yesterday , I just feels better .
& IM NOW WAITING FOR YOU TO WAKE UP! :@
I ain't those who know how to express myself well, or how to talk until damn well.
I only know how talk nonsense , crap a lot .
Kay , i shall continue waiting for you to wake up .
No matter how much I joke , I still do uh . :D




Friend , I guess it's better we stay like this , am sorry to treat you with all those cold replies .
But , let's just stay this way . I don't wanna have much contact with you .
I know , you will be seeing this . I hope you stay happy like how you used to .
Anything happen , you still can find me , alright ?
If that's it , don't contact me that much . Thankyou . All the best !
Don't give up on your studies , think about your future .
I know , all this hurts . I've feel it before , but am sorry .
Maybe am a bitch , but I will be more than a bitch , if i don't say it out .
Thanks for being there last time , thanks for everything . Goodbye , friend .

If only , letting go is so easy . How nice would things be ?

Everyday , I said I wanna move on , I can do it , but I failed to do so . I tried doing all kinds of rubbish , but none actually helps . I said , I'm moving on , but I didn't . I said , I won't be so unahppy already , but am still unhappy . Why am I always thinking all this ? When I fucking know it's all impossible already . I decided everything , but why can't I just follow the plan ! Maybe , it's time I step out of this , I shouldn't do all this , I shouldn't already . Shihua , you once hate such people . Now , you shouldn't be one of them . Let's just don't care , don't bother . I'm sorry , I know i'm wrong for this one month . I reflect , & i think , I'm wrong . I shall just believe in , what's yours , will be yours . No point forcing , let's not think so much already .

Tears ah tears , you drop enough already . It's time to stop .

I shouldn't have went , it makes me more confuse ):

Should I feel happy or confuse ? I'm feeling so confuse about everything . Even if one day , there's a chance , will I still dare to trust everything ? After being killed once already ? I'm afraid , real afraid of all these . What if , history repeats ? Once pain , twice stabbed , am I still able to take everything ? Maybe , I've to thanks you , yes , it wasn't a great feeling . Because it makes me stronger . It makes me know , in a relationship , it isn't just happiness all the way . In times to come , you will get killed , & the world just tumble down . But it's alright , treat it as a lesson learnt . Yes , this is too painful to treat it as a lesson , But I got no choice . I got to tell myself , this is the fact , it's happening right now , everything is gone . Learn to accept , I've already got the feeling of being killed , what's more things I couldn't accept ? Indeed , some things is hard , but learn it the hard way . Pay a high price , maybe , things will be better in future . At least , I'm stronger .

Today marks the day of you leaving me , for one month already . In times to come , I hope the pain isn't there anymore . ): This month is the 10th month I've love you . Sigh , accept it shihua ! Be happy , he's once yours . Be happy , he's once your true love .

I did it , I didn't prompt already . Late replies , no replies , it's alright . I know my status now , I couldn't ask for more . I know clearly where I stand , I should have left , far far away . I realise , I don't treat you very well anyway , she will be a better girl , I guess . All the best ! Shihua sincerely bless you .

Yes , I'm a bitch , whatever you all say eh . If I didn't tell him , & let him feel the hurt for a longer time , by then , I will be more than a bitch ! Blame me now ? Please , go & ask him , how many times have I say , IMPOSSIBLE ! So now , my fault ? Uhhuh , I don't give a damn .
& please , stop threatening , if you want to die , go ahead . Don't slit like a xmm , go & jump down . You will die faster . I will give you more money on your funeral ! -'- Don't force me to say everything eh , I know , you're hurt . But sorry , I don't feel good too , nabuey .

Nothing much changes ..

There was once , when a girl knows nothing about love . She doesn't believe in love , thinking there's no such things . But she met a boy , a boy who make her know , what's love . But now , it's gone, that guy left . This girl was once happy , but now , her life seems to be in a mess . She doesn't feels happy . Her prelims results was crap , but who can she blame ? Nobody , she fall into something call love , who make her who she is today. Who give up in her prelims , she always thought , love was something beautiful months ago . Is the thinking still the same ? She mess up her life , & still trying to accept all the facts that is happening . It's not easy , but she's trying real hard . But nothing helps . After trying the old way , her sleepless night was gone . But , is this the right way ? What is love ? It can totally mess your life , it can totally ruin you !

It takes a hard time to trust all over again . During the first few months , things was sweet . The girl knew what was love after meeting this particular guy , but it causes pain . She took 4 months to believe again , but was it a mistake to believe ? The 2nd time , she didn't get twice the pain . Instead , she was stabbed ! Stabbed right into the heart , she was completely lost . Her life turns into a mess , she broke the promises she made to someone . Everything seems to go haywire . But she was glad , it was the holiday period , if not , she gonna miss quite a number of days from school . But things didn't go well , she give up her prelims , she studied nothing , she just went on , to try her luck . Till today , things still didn't go well , why is it so ? She don't know . All she hope for , was to rewind the time , & know nothing about love . Sighhh ,

She once promise someone 3 things , but she broke all the promises after 9/9/10 . Yes , all 3 promises , that someone was disappointed , that girl knew it . But time cannot rewind , apologizing doesn't make everything right . All that girl can say is , am sorry .

Don't ever trust me , my promise are all meant to be broken .

So much to say , so much to say , sighhh .

Ahbeast told me , accept everything , accept all the facts , no point lying to myself already . Am trying , really trying . Thanks ahbeast .

It's killing,

Didn't I decide everything already? Why, am that weak? Just some small little things, it makes me waver. I shall do that, I will try, am trying. But I realise, I never, I didn't. It's just words of bullshit. So what if I say? So what? Are things gonna change? Nah, it's not! Things will still be the same, the pain will still be there. I decided, to accept everything that has happen, move on! This is the best for me, I don't need all that in life. All this while, I ain't happy. Till now, all the thinking goes on, am suffering! Sighhhhh, why am I thinking so much? When will it actually end? ):

Everything is killing, sighhhh!

Everything is over .
I will start afresh , :D

It's time , to get over it . Start afresh .
I believe , I can do it .

SHIHUA , Move on ! (Y)

All I hope is to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep !
All the while when i'm awake , all I do is think .

How sad ~ But that's love . :')
So being a flirt is better , because tiongxim first to die .

What's love ? Haha , it's nothing . (:
It hurts you so badly , but nothing you gain . Aww , how sad .
It makes you believe all those fucking promise & words .
But it all turns out to become lies !
Remember ,
How you said you will not leave ? You did :')
How you said you will never repeat the mistake again ? You did :')
How you said to be there for me ? You never :')
Yeahh , that's love .
Don't every rely/depend too much on someone ,
because when they left , you lose half your world already .

In love , is either you get played or you play .
Now , I will choose to play .
So don't ever fucking be with me , unless you want to get played by me . :')
The first lie in love , to love you forever . Only a dumb person will believe .
Never ever leaving you , that's a fucking lie .
Being together , yes , everything is true .
After breaking , woah , it's all lies .

--



Gabriel , thanks a lot this few days .
After knowing , you've been texting & texting me .
& thanks for understanding , (: especially yesterday .
Thanks for coming down to accompany me @ 2 plus till 8 plus in the moring .
& you've to work today .
Thanks for listening to all my nonsense .
& I'm sorry , you waste quite a lot of money yesterday x.x
Because you drink too fast . HAHAHA !
But I guess , I know why eh .
& don't smoke too much uh . (: not good for health .
Last long with your girlfr (:
I heard about that incident already , since it's over , dont broad too much about it . :')
Once again , thanks ! (: & after receving that text , im touched :)
I know , whatever you told me just now , it's all for my own good .
But it's okay . I know my limits . :')
Next time , it's my treat already uh . & it's tonight :D
I know the reason why you wanna drink tonight , I saw your fb post .
But know your limits eh , I dont want to send a fat boy home . HAHAHAH!
Seeya tonight. :')
Love you , brother ! :D


--

Here comes goodbye ,
Here comes the last time ,
Here comes the start of every sleepless nights ,
Here comes the pain ,
Here comes goodbye .

Everything is over , shihua ! Wakeup , everything is fucking over !
No point thinking so much , just move on .
Because nothing helps the situation now .
It's all fucking over , it's all useless .
Don't ever believe in love , because there's nothing such as love in this world .
Go ahead & play , it's nothing . :')
Love , is something which makes you hurt like fuck .
Love ? Whatthefuck is that ?
Haha , it's something to play with . :D
Let's move on & play the game ! :')

Physically pain , is the only thing that could make you feel better .
Anything that has the word forever in it , is a lie .

Maybe , I believe too much .
No matter how normal you said it can be , you should know , it ain't the same .
Things ain't the same anymore .
Now I wonder , if what P say was true .
Perhaps ba ,
I wonder , were you saying things I want to hear , or was it the true ?
I'm confuse . I can't help thinking .
Each night , I think about it .
& each night , I cried . Woots , & that's something shihua won't believe she will do .
I got another lecture again today , I never blame them .
I know , they meant well . But it's useless already .
Things has happen already , nothing helps anymore .
Everyday , I'm feeling so fucking unhappy .
Everyday , things are always on my mind .
I'm fucking thinking so much , oh well ~
How I wish , there is something in this world ,
That could make me sleep & never wake up .
Only by sleeping , will make everything away .
But every night , I can't fucking sleep !
I think & think , tears drop & drop .
Maybe , love isn't the thing for me .
I ain't someone who know what's love .
I should fucking step away from it , it causes too much pain .
& I can't stand it .
I tried all ways to make myself not think , nothing helps ~
It still cause pain , but at least , it can make you feel better . (Y)
Hmm , thanks people for texting , i'm alright .
If only , things didn't change .
But no point holding on , I know .
You know the difference between promises and memories?
We break promises , memories break us .
Typing so much on , the pain will still be there .
Maybe the only thing is , physical pain .


You taught me how to love ,
You taught me how to laugh ,
You taught me how to be tough ,
You taught me how to cry ,
But when you left , you didnt teach me how to say goodbye .

The more I read about the past , the more I miss it .
There's somethings in the world is irreplaceable, no matter how hard you try to get something to take over, you will never be able to do it due to some reasons; you'll never understand.

Maybe, I should just fuck off !

That feeling , came back once again .
ONCE AGAIN .
It's easy to say , but hard to do . :')
When one go up high , & fall down too deeply . AGAIN ,
When you don't see it , it doesn't mean I won't .
It's what you think & not what you know .
It hurts so badly , :')
You think I dont want ? I tried , but I cant .
If I really can , last time , for the 4 months , I can do it already , sighhh .
Love is too much of a word , to understand .



Thanks people ! Not in order o.o

Alkin , Haha , thanks uh . For two times , you were there .
Though I still got a lecture from you . But I know you meant well .
Yes , maybe I was stupid , to you know , uhhuh .
But , thanks a lot uh . Im sorry , I couldn't promise you .

Lesbo , thanks for cheering me up with your riddles x.x
I understand , you ain't feeling happy yourself .
But cheerup , I once told you before , she isn't worth .
Don't be like him , whose now suffering so much cause of her .
Don't say stuff to hurt yourself , I know you learn it from me , :$
But it doesn't make you feel any better .
I admit , yesterday I say too much of yeah blah blah , but I'm gna be alright soon I hope x.x

Cherie , thanks for these few days ah .
Out of so many I dedicated , I guess you're the only one seeing ;x HAHA .
Be honour , seriously , thanks a lot :')
I don't know what to type already x.x
Don't think too much also hor ! Last long with him ~

Pekling , OWNSYOU ! :D
Thanks for accompanying me yesterday & crap with me . (L)
& all the advice that you gave , xiexie :D
& chatting with me till late midnight , appreciate ! :')

Plurkers ,
Thanks a lot too ! Thanks for all the advice .


Yongteck ,
Maybe , like what you say , you yuan wu fen .
Maybe we really isn't suitable for each other .
This 9 months , I will always remember it . (:
Thanks for the memories !
Even if things changes , nothing can help anymore .
In future , nobody can predict anything .
So even if your heart changes , I got nothing to say too .
Thanks for all this while , being there for me .
& tolerating all my nonsense & attitude .
And always giving in so often , (:
You've been a great boyfr & friend for the past 9 months , xiexie ni .
Though I don't know , what will change after this , it's all so unpredictable .
& I've seen the fierce side of you yesterday x.x
HAHA , ;x
& seriously , I'm happy that you came back & look for me ytd , though you're pissed .
But sorry , to be like this yesterday . & cry in front of you , sorry .
No point forcing you also .
I will miss talking on the phone with you & going out together .
Maybe , that day , when I say there's no more next time , it actually happen .
How true ~
I'm sorry , to make you like that yesterday .
But you promised , never to hurt yourself already . :')
I wish you all the best in everything :D Especially your Nlevels! (:
Takecare . :')
Goodbye , love .

Alone , is the only word I think of now .

I'm smiling to everyone just now , but inside , I'm dying .
Nobody knows , how I actually felt .
& I told myself , never ever drop down ONE .
I'm glad , I didn't .
& again , it's the same . Nobody to turn to , NOBODY .
What has happen ? I don't know .
I don't know a single fucking thing !

Promise ~
It's a FUCKING BIG LIE !
You gain nothing from it .
You gain hurt believing it .
That's promise .
I will remember it forever , PROMISE .

So what if i break down ?
Who cares ?

& then , it came to alone again .

Let's just keep everything inside , & suffer alone .
That's the world now .

So what if im typing out all this now ?!
It doesn't even help a FUCKING bit .
FUCKALLTHESESHIT! -'-

I don't know who/where to turn to , so I came here .
It sucks to be thinking so much , I know .

& now , I suddenly don't feel like typing out .
Kay whatever !

Don't think too much don't think too much , it just doesn't help .
Because , the thinking doesn't stop there , it still goes on .
& what's more , ALONE is the word !

The tears you didn't see , doesn't mean it isn't there ..

& then it started ,
there goes the story again .
Always & always ..


Assumption.

Why such feeling, at this time ?
The wrong feeling , at the wrong time .
I always didn't want to voice out , because I know , it's useless .
Do you even know ? I doubt so .
I show it yesterday , or I didn't ?
It doesn't matter already ..
I've always been thinking about this , maybe , it was wrong .
But , I'm happy with that . Am I ?
That's life :') uhhuh .

I told myself , I won't bother to prompt anymore .
If you don't want , I'll just shut the fuck up .

I don't know anymore .
I wanted to voice it out , but I hesistate .
Maybe , it's better to close one eye .
I should just , create less problems .
Like what I think , I will never ask again .
Maybe you doesn't like it . (:

--

You will only spare a thought for him .
I'm keeping everything inside , just that you don't know .
Maybe , it's better ?

--

What happen when tears dry up ?

I don't know why am I still thinking about it .
I've ask a few people , & everyone told me , it because of dont bother or really forget .
I don't know , if it matters .
I'm trying hard to not bother about it , but I'm still thinking about it . :(
Sighhhh , why ?
Do you know how it feels ? At first , I think nothing of it .
Until beastfriend talk to me , & told me the same situation .
& yeahh , I forsee me having her feelings if that day came .
But , I didn't voice out .
For now , I just want less problems & concentrate for my olevels .
Nothing is more important than o's , for now .
But , you don't know , deep inside , it do hurts .
& I'm saying , it's alright , :')
Sigh , forget it . Let's just forget it . :')

--

I don't know , who's real , who's not .
It's so confusing .
When I thought you're , you changed . I see your true colours .
You always say , my words hurt you .
But spare a thought for me , don't your words hurt me too ?
Doesn't mean I never say out , means it's okay .
True friends , it's a lie . It's a joke .
I didn't voice out , doesn't mean I'm happy .
That's human . Human nature ?
You can say whatever you want , cause I'm not caring .
I don't belong anywhere ..

--

Today , I truly know , human are so realistic .
Today , I saw how fortunate I'm as compared to her .

Money money money , yeahh , this two stuff , it's all about money .
You think you're poor ?
See her , who have to walk home from school just because her ezlink card has no more money .
& no money to take bus .
30 mins journey , yes , it isn't very long or short .
But , have you been in such situation ?

Huaman are so realistic , for once , you're friends .
But when you have to pay , they avoid .
You think you're the only one who have no money ?!
Now you say , it's not your problem .
Last year , when we GIVE you the 5k , WHY NOT SAY IT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM ?!
Please la , think about it la .
How old already ?! Realistic ttm -'-

Compared to others , before complaing :D

I'm not saying much alreadyy .
Because , it's useless .
Just let it stay this way .
Happy or not , I guess , it doesn't matter much .

I guess , it's enough , it's really enough .
You want or not , it's up to you .

I don't wanna live in such days anymore .
If things are still like that , I think , I know the answer .
At least , I know what to do .
People told me , last .
A last try , is it worth ?
Yeah , I don't know .
I guess , let's just see .
Since maybe , you're happier now . :D
Bye , the least I could do .
Not gonna change , not gonna change .

It's over , over & gone .

You thought me everything , that i've never learn before .

---

You don't feel tired , but I do .
What's now ?
I do , you complain .
I don't do , you complain .
If you think it's so easy , go fucking ask him to do it .
I think for you , but what the fuck I get ?
All this shit ? I didn't help for ONCE only ! You kaopei like nobody's business .
WHAT ABOUT HIM ? HE NEVER EVEN DO A SINGLE FUCKING THING !
But why didn't he get treated like that ?
Why am I the one who get treated like this ?
It's unfair , FUCKING UNFAIR .
Do you know how it feels ?
When I finish it , YOU RE-DO IT AGAIN !
So what's now ?
If you think , I didn't do it nicely , don't ever ask me to do it again .
I don't wish to do it too .
I do it because , I know , it's my duty , when you're liddat .
But asked yourself , what did you do ?
You don't know how im feeling , you dont know when you said it .
But I do , I just cannot be compared to him .
Whatever I do , it's never enough .
Even if it's enough , it will never be as good as him .
You know the feeling ? It fucking sucks a lot !

--

Forget it , nobody understand .
I'm sorry if , from today onwards , I ain't replying to some texts .
Bye for now .

DRINK DRANK DRUNK ! (Y)

This should be a long post .
But what for type so long ? It's useless already .
So live with it . Get things clear .
Say things straight .
Everything would be better ! (Y)
Im getting used to everything .
Since , it isn't the first time . Remember ?
You can do it , Im pretty sure , I can too ! :D
Remember , the last time , I give in , I make the first move .
This time round , I ain't going to do it .
Since you aren't caring so much , why should I ? :D
Gone , takecare .


Thanks clique & people .
Especially Lesbo! <3
Thanks for being there for me ever since I know you .
Though , it isn't a very long period of time , but me love you yo ! :D
LESBO! \m/

Have I really thought about it ?
Or am I just avoiding it ?
Plainly listening , it does me good ?

Don't keep twisting your words .
This time round , I mean everything I say already .
Things should be like this in the beginning . & not giving in .
When you said all that , you didn't even consider about my feelings , so don't expect me to do it .
Harden . It makes everything much better .
Maybe , words can't express my feelings , ARHG , forget it .

Thankyou Cherie & Aaron !
Thanks for being there for me this few days uh ! (:
Love you people la :D

I never thought that i could walk thru fire ,
I never thought that i could take the burn .

I type a long one , & delete it .
No point typing so much memories here .
Useless .

It will ! :D

Sometimes I wonder , how can you let it go so easily ?
How can you bear to ?
But I think , you really can .
I'm walking alone , & accepting the fact .
Thankyouverymuch.


A new decision , yet it might not happen .
Trying & trying .

Did I believe the wrong things again ?
It's hell hell hell . :(
Thanks once again , for making trying to be stronger . (Y)
I will prove it. IM A HAPPY GIRL .

Do you know , i'm waiting for you to talk to me ?
Do you know , i'm still unable to forget ?
Maybe , i'm replaceable .
You will never know , what lies behind all those smiles .

Stop assuming la .
Don't think you know me very well .
If you think you do , let me tell you , you don't .
I wonder why , I was the one who said it , yet I'm unable to do it .
I'm hoping you do the opposite of what I said , but I guess , maybe , it's better ?
Like what you said to me , isn't it ?
It's better , yeah , hell better .
One step of wrong path , cause everything to be so wrong .
Rewind ? Regret ?
I listened to my mp3 songs , & I think back a lot .
What would happen if you didn't have said that ?
Maybe , it's much better .
But , it takes years to build up trust .
& to believe those empty promises once again .
I guess , this is good ?
You have all the things you want , the things you can do .
Being happy is afterall the most important factor , (:
Am i ? o.o I am ?
If I don't xxxxxxx , I won't be typing so much now .
Trying , how hard do we try ?
I ain't ..... ! :(




Hey , cheerup ! (:
I know , you're unhappy .
Don't deny , when I saw you on friday , I know you aren't .
Be honour I text you on the spot okay . Cheerup! (:



You might or might not see this ,
but thanks for all this while .
Being there for me whenever I need someone , thanks aye .
& really , thanks for trusting me so much -winks-
Haha , I can hack into your ehhem acc x.x
Moneymoney ! :D Hohoho !
Really thanks a lot uh ! (:

What is happening ?
Why do I sense that , you aren't the same ?
Maybe , you've let go .
& I know , you can .
Didn't I say all that ?!
But why couldn't I do it ? >:
Whywhywhy ?


Let's be contented with what we have (:
Byes .

Don't put your thinking on me .
You aren't me . Think for me , can you ?
Yea , i know you want it .
But think for me , it's easy to fall .
But hard to stand .
Can't you see im trying hard to stand up again ?
Ohyeah , maybe you really can't .
Im sucha bitch yo .
If you think , it's easy .
It's you ! But not me !
Haha , forget it .
Our thinking are different , very very .
You have been through it , can't you just fucking understand ?
Yeahyeah , offline as you want . & give me some new excuses again .


Im fucking tired of everything !
FuckMyLife !

If you don't want to bother. Then don't.
Maybe it's really gameover .
There's a lie in believe,
a over in lover,
a us in trust,
a if in life.
Maybe what's over is over.
You think I don't want again?
I tried! But did u see it? No!
You think you are the only one being sad, thinking so much?
I am too!
I even ask you to not think too much,
but what I get?
I'm thinking alot too, you care?
Everyone do make mistake,
but giving a second chance isn't easy.
You aren't the one trusting so much,
yet falling so hard. I always believe you won't say that.
But I was eventually wrong, you said it.
Didn't you said it was a better way for both of us?
Yeah, I tried saving it, by asking, is this the only way?
But you made up your mind.
Now you say, you want it back?
Am I someone who you think it's better to let go then let go?
Now you want it back, I should follow suit?
Yeah I still love.
But so what? When the ending is you will fall hard again.
I was so wrong, to believe so hard.
Hais, take a break?
But I don't know why, I still feel like chatting with you everytime I online.
But you don't seems to want it.
So I decided, not to anymore.
I know I can't, but I will try.
I believe if you want to chat with me,
you will take the initiative.
If you don't want, it's okay.
Bye .

Get over it ? It's over ? Or what ?
Hais , till today , everytime i online , im hoping , we could talk like before .
But , is this still possible ?
Why do i still feel the hurt ?
Why do i still think so much about it ?
Why did all the memories still flashed thru my mind ?
Maybe , things are changing .

Why is it that , till today , I still miss you ?
Why is it that , I still love to see you online ?
Why is it that , I can't seems to forget ?
Why is it that , I still likes talking to you ?
Why is it that , things are different , yet im still feeling this way ?
Why is it that , I hesitate on removing that shape from my contact ?
Why is it that , all this is still happening ?
what should I do ?

Bang, its dead!

Yeah, as you can see from the title above , it isn't something nice .
Promise are meant to be broken .
I trusted the PROMISE like hell , but end up , I get hurt like hell too .
I always believe , what you PROMISE , are all true .
Because I always believe , you are different from other guys when you said that .
But today , I know it myself , it's gone !
Remember , what you said , you won't ever say that word .
Haha , how dumb can shihua be to believe such word ?
How stupid can I be man ?!
The person who you love & trust most , are the one who killed you most inside .
How true ~
I always thought , at the start , we were different .
You can don't mind about anything .
As long as it love , you dont bother about anything .
But so what ? It's still gone today .
Guess , you twist your words real fast .
Remember when I said it , you would say things to get all this better .
But now , you are saying things which i least expected .
Maybe , I really shouldn't believe that .
If not , I wouldn't be feeling like shit now .
S[HE] BE[LIE]VE
How true right ?
Now I truly understand , Aaron once taught me , Promise are meant to be broken .
& when that happen , you gonna get fucking hurt .
But I always said , he won't he won't .
But today , it shows clearly , he will .
Yeah , fucking hurt , I get it .
& I experience the feeling , of losting again .
But I dont know why , it's fucking hurting me like hell now !
I thought , I could change the situation .
I tried fucking hard , but no one could see & I dont expect anyone to see too .
I being scarcastis , hope you would say .
But why am I fucking feeling this way now ?
Sighed ;
Maybe , Cherie was true afterall . I really made you become AA .
Maybe , it's better like this .

Do you remember all those times ?
Yes , it isn't really a lot , but im glad , I still have some memories .
Thanks for the memories .
It's time to say goodbye .
The only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that dont change; when everybody else does .
Do you remember , the first place we met ?
Do you remember , the first time we took a bus together ?
Do you remember , the first time we watch shows together ?
Do you remember , the first time we went out together ?
Do you remember , the first present we bought for each other ?
Do you remember , the first time we had lunch together ?
& a lot more .

Do you still remember ?
I still remember , every single detail .
But I guess , it's no point typing so much here .
All this wouldn't repeat anymore .
All this are gone .
That's all , people who know me well , will know , what it means .
Goodbye .

Do you still remember ... ?
Maybe , its way way gone .
I wanted to , but I dont want too.
If you think that , this is the best , go ahead .
Because who knows , one day , we might give up this .

像胸口刺青 是永远的记号

Only today, I learn something (:
It wasn't the heart that matter, it was the dressing that matter (:
It was about saving money, & not that heart.

I thought I could, but it show pretty obvious, I can't.
Why is it that, I felt so unhappy when I saw that?
Was it the ending? Maybe after all I had said, I had cause the ending myself.
I thought, it will be better, but I guess, it got worse.

That's the trick. & you fall for it.
It cause heartache, but I think, it's worth it.
Bye.

I had those feelings, afraid or what?
Maybe all this gonna happen. Idontknow.
It seems to be over, is this the outcome of everything?
Maybe it is.
The heart break, The scar will never be gone.

Why is it that, people can't understand how someone feel?
Can't you put yourself in his/her situation?
What you said, hurts him/her?
Yeah, maybe, I was wrong in the first place.
You were someone like this.
I didn't know that.
How bastard can you be? That's my opinion.
Yes, it was long ago.
But maybe, it was for me to reflect too.
You will never remember this, because you remember nothing.
Oh crap.

Don't say things when you dont mean it.
Noobie shit! >:

Why am I having such feelings?
Everything seems so different already.
Maybe because, now, its not only me, but you too.
Maybe, its time to see clearly, understand more.
But, it's so different already. Hais.
Everything is changing.
I thought, it last.
But maybe, that's not the case.
Oh well, nevermind.

Why is it that, it hurts so much?
When I thought, it was oh so true, it seems to turn out as lies.
You dont know, how it killed me inside, when I saw that.
I was totally speechless.
But maybe, that's your choice, it's okay, I'll respect it.
Even if it hurts a lot.
Maybe, I didn't make the effort at all.
Maybe, it will be better for you.
You will have freedom,
You will have money to eat,
You will not be unhappy,
You will not be thinking so much,
You will not be wasting time,
You will be much much happier.
How nice will it be, if everything didn't change.
Fairytales doesn't exist.
Wakeup. shihua!
Face the reality.
It was just some lies, to make you believe.
But end up, when u believe, everything turn out as lies.
& it hurt more. How nice man!
Ty for making me stronger, to go through all this alone.

It pains me to say such stuff.
But I just dont want you to be unhappy anymore.
Ha, just treat it that im heartless.
I dont mind.

Was it a wrong choice? Why do I have such feelings?
I can't get back, its not so easy :(
Maybe u rgret, maybe it was a wrong start.
Who understand? I thought about it since the day I saw the fb comments.
Are u really happy? I doubt so.
I guess, u are not .
Maybe, Im really not suitable for you. I really don't.

Yesterday, I thought about it, maybe I dont have much time.
What can I do ?
Even outsiders, CARE MORE THAN ME!
What am I doing?! Why am I not caring that much?
Why is this happening?! :(
Will this really happen?
What if, it does?
Maybe, its time, I stop wasting time, & do the things I should do.
Hais.

One month past , losing motivation .
How can I survive for the next few months ?
I asked myself , the moment I send that msg , do I really have the will to study hard ?
Or I would just continue like last year ?
I think about it , what do I really want ?
Retain , wasting one year , going ite ?
When the teacher said stuff to make us study hard , it goes in & out .
Today , I realise , how much have I really learn this one month ?
Homework not done , delaying & delaying .
I dont wana regret on the day I take my results .
With this kind of N's result , O's is getting nowhere better .
5 months , but im left with 4 months . 4 months to pull the gap , & the rest for revision .
Can I ?
I slack for one month , other than homework , I dont even bother studying .
How long more can I go on being like this ? No more !
How far can I go on being like this ?
Its not going anyway better staying put .
I was real happy when I promote , saying I will study hard .
But where is the motivation ? Its gone gone gone !
The easiest topic , I can fail .
Yes , a lot of careless mistake , if not I could have pass .
But that isn't a excuse for me failing such an easy topic .
Forgot to write this & that , I should have knew I must write .
So what if I know how to do it ? I still failed . So what ?
Its the result that is more important afterall .
In school , in front of others , all these doesn't seems to bother shihua.
All these seems to just be crap to shihua .
But deep inside , all these do matter .
Last time , it doesn't .
Fail fail lo , who cares ? But now , this shouldnt be the thinking .
& im glad , it isnt anymore .
So what if I told you , & you say I can one la .
N's you also pass liaos , study hard , ok one la .
You dont understand the feeling .
Maybe i shouldnt continue already .

I always wonder , why ? Maybe you wont know , this is about you .
But its okay . Because I wont be saying out much .
I dontknow what to say . Or what to do . Maybe like some say , Numb .

Ever since those incident , we drifted .
But I still miss this friendship .
You should have seen , im not even bothering .
Im not even talking much to you .
Sometimes , I even ignore you .
I didnt think about your feelings .
But what about mine last time ?
I dont want to rake up the past .


Nigel ; Cheerup aye !
Maybe you should have know , its a matter of time it will end when you started with her , at your age . If this offence you , im sorry aye .
I dontknow what happen , but I understand , the feeling sucks .
To lost someone you really love . Cheerup aye .

Im lazy to type already . Bye .

It was about you, but you didn't know. Nvm.

I don't know why, out of a sudden, i felt so moodless.
I remember everything. When i thought, bit by bit, i'm forgetting, but tdy, it came back. :(